Loves Humor Pillows

Scientist discover a new superbug

Conflict resolution centre.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Office Policy: Never Have More Than One Clown On A Team.

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

This is awkward, but I need to ask if you'd like to donate your body to science.

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"He, Igor? Who are we to play God with its gender pronouns?"

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

Road signs of Aging

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

A field goal kicker kicks his teamate instead of the ball through the goal posts.

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

'You've definitely mastered it, Richard, but not every song is appropriate for the chicken dance.'

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

Sex Score

"Let's go in here. Word has it that his cave drawings are nothing but nudes."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

'This building inspector is so darn obstinate and bullheaded.'