Love For Humor Pillows

'You can tell me anything, Mrs. Rojak. I'd never violate the sacred fish store-customer relationship.'

Raised by Dogs

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Hon, I'm home!'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

"I'm not normally a big fan of slapstick comedy, but seeing ol' Hotchkiss there..."

Menopause and the City

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Safe driver.

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

Beer Van and Ice Cream Van

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

"Returns"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

'Right, now learn this trick...'

Scientist discover a new superbug

Jackson Pollock's short-lived career as a kid's party face painter.

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

"Sorry, honey, I used up all the sunblock. How 'bout we cover you in mayonnaise instead?"

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

Road signs of Aging

"I love you the way the French love Jerry Lewis."