Fan Of Clever Jokes Pillows

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Bless You."

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Fetch the Boomerang

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'Yes, of course they're prints.'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

Play dead. We have to make them think their new sprays work.

"He's a Baumaus student."

New Shoes.

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"

Cloning departments

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

Lost & found dept.

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

Loterie Francaise...

'Thanks but we really can't accept...'

Toady of the Month.

Bird Feeder Restaurant

'Tell me about the birds, Forget about the bees,'

'This corn tastes funny. I heard they're leaving out the antibiotics.'

"No, John. You know I'll only end up hurting you."