Fan Of Humorous Takes Pillows

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

"Bless You."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Cards Galore.

'What are you implying?'

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

Home Business - Wife.

"We're a bit polarized here, I'm afraid. Ingrid wants to invade Haiti, I don't."

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

Donald Trump as a Baby Joker

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

Torontino Blessing - "Ha! Fucking! Ha!"

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"