Lover Of Humorous Twists Pillows

'What are you implying?'

The Three Bears and Gridlock: The story of a family whose house was raided while they were stuck in traffic.

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

The Clown Hit

'How was your luck, dear?'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Home Business - Wife.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

False starts.

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

'You look lovely today.'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

"No offense..."

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'

"Phil!"

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

Sheep Pranks.

'It's quite nice once your out.'

'I just dreamt that I was the world, kung fu champion!'

Frog gets the Fly. Ouch

"After all these years keeping the books for us, it turns out you embezzled thousands? Why, mom?"