Lover Of Humorous Twists Pillows

'What are you implying?'

The Three Bears and Gridlock: The story of a family whose house was raided while they were stuck in traffic.

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

The Clown Hit

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'How was your luck, dear?'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

False starts.

Home Business - Wife.

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

'You look lovely today.'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

"No offense..."

Piñata Blackjack

I started writing crossword puzzles when I realized it was the only chance I'd ever have of finishing one.

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'

"Phil!"

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

Sheep Pranks.

No caption (a mime holds onto an invisible leash as his dog barks at a squirrel on a tree).

'It's quite nice once your out.'

"After all these years keeping the books for us, it turns out you embezzled thousands? Why, mom?"