Lover Of Unexpected Twists Pillows

'The biggest surprise, after we split up, is he got my friends and I got his.'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Island

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

Magicians hat being pulled out of a rabbit

While You Were Out: We Moved!

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'At that moment, across a crowded room, their thighs met.'

"The favourite practical joke amongst Big Bang theorists"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

Diet Sugar House.

Muggers nick nurses bag only to be showered in syringes

'What are you implying?'

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

False starts.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

'You called a plumber!'

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

"The strawberry surprise may have been predictable but the real surprise comes with the bill."

The Latter Day Wisdom of Solomon

'Before we get married, Doris, there is something I need to get off my chest.'

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

Safe is actually window to men's bathroom.

"Enjoy!"

Fish steals a fisherman's worms.

'I'm glad out parents aren't hung up about not spoiling us.'

"Velcro!"

'Woho! Chicken soup.'