Lover Of Unexpected Humor Pillows

'This must be your lucky day, madam. Not only am I a Jehovah's Witness - I'm also selling double glazing.'

'I like your style, kid. How'd you like to hold cue cards in hollywood?'

Piñata Blackjack

"Bless You."

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Ink Eraser

'Oops, actually, this is a cockroach I squashed the other day.'

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'You had me at hell.'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'What are you implying?'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

The first step is losing the illusion that you're in control of your actions.

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

Golfer in a tree.

'Pavlov's first experiment'

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

'You look lovely today.'

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'He was run over by our home. We live in a mobile home park.'

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."