Lover Of Unexpected Humor Pillows

'This must be your lucky day, madam. Not only am I a Jehovah's Witness - I'm also selling double glazing.'

"Bless You."

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Ink Eraser

'Oops, actually, this is a cockroach I squashed the other day.'

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

'You had me at hell.'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'What are you implying?'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

'Pavlov's first experiment'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

Golfer in a tree.

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

"Look, I'm bored, you're bored – why don't you let me go down there and shake things up a bit?"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."

'He was run over by our home. We live in a mobile home park.'

'You look lovely today.'

"It's nice, but I fell in love with a caterpillar."

'Not that sort of pool party.'

The Grim Raker

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."