Fan Of Humorous Takes Gifts

'As I see it, there are two groups. Them - who came from nowhere and wear fig leaves - and us, who have been around for a long time, and are just trying to evolve.'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"Bless You."

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

Will hide my face with this sign for food. ?

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

One day having a great personality was going to become a crucial evolutionary trait...

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"Ah, sweatpants."

'Watch out for the hidden ball trick.'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Cards Galore.

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

'What are you implying?'

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"We're a bit polarized here, I'm afraid. Ingrid wants to invade Haiti, I don't."

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

Home Business - Wife.

'Nah, the Boss ain't in yet. Can I 'elp?'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

Torontino Blessing - "Ha! Fucking! Ha!"

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

Donald Trump as a Baby Joker