Lover Of Quirky Instructions Gifts

"Remember, it's dong after ding except when it's bling. Then it's bong."

The Food Chain

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

Maternity ward.

Manual Worker

"Running of the the chickens!? This is crazy! Dad, no one celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month like this!"

'It's a bill collector!'

Penny Farthing Tricycle

Having heard good things about it, Carlos decides to try the Phlegmish School of painting.

Vote! Wally Yomp, Congress: 'I promise to put the toilet seat down.'

"Everyone seems to be having no trouble assembling our products. Apparently, we're making our instructions too easy."

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

"The recipe says if you're out of eye of newt you can substitute it with two bat gizzards."

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

"Get your knockoff pretzels."

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

Puppet Show from the Stocks

'You can't just get up and leave without permission.'

'Hmmmm! Third time he's been back he MUST be keen.'

The Grim Reaper's pets.

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

Fish who dropped out of the school

The Artists Fall-Back Career 'It's an easy gig to get once you stop waxing.'

Role Reversal

'Oh... hell!' (fish bowl)

Advanced Origami

'Well, I don't suppose it'll be the last project to go completely wrong!'

The obvious

Pavlov's snake: 'It was months before I discovered snakes are deaf.'

"I'd like you to hop up and down on one foot and perhaps sing a little childhood ditty."

'Section 9c - 'Kill yourself if this clock radio malfunctions' '

Drain cleaning

This is Umpopa, a witch doctor - he says he knows how to shrink hemorrhoids.

Making the best of it