Quirky Instruction Aficionado Gifts

For manual operation

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Having been born with a birthmark that looks exactly like Asia and the Mideast, Russell was able to ace the geography portion of the SATs.

'Home Schooling'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

Scientist has note on chalkboard: E=mc2 + 6% sales tax.

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."

Book Worm

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

Manual Worker

'Dad demonstrates for an hour and then we go home - what happens in your swimming lessons?'

Benjamin Franklin

Telephone Box

'Think Basics.'

'We've uncovered your birth certificate,'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

Keep students on their toes...

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

"Everyone seems to be having no trouble assembling our products. Apparently, we're making our instructions too easy."

'I picked up my Latin from watching Roadrunner cartoons.'

There were occasional moments when she questioned her decision to work with truly gifted students.

'Sir, one question... When will we know if we've run-out of invisible ink?'

'They canceled school today -- the teacher couldn't find her hand puppets.'

'You can't just get up and leave without permission.'

'A sinkhole ate my homework...?'

"These instructions are useless. Keep up the good work."

A teacher sits in front of a blackboard that advertises various school subjects as being for sale.

'Forty-eight felony counts have taught me not to try to do everything myself.'

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"This is quite a surprising discovery." "Then write it up for 'The Journal of Surprising Discoveries'."

"I Hate Carrots."