Lover Of Quirky Skills Gifts

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

The Food Chain

Drunk Barber

Family Butcher.

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'It's a bill collector!'

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

Chiantis In Translation

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

"Get your knockoff pretzels."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

'I can still remember the good old days when I used to go through your pockets!'

"Wow, Tia Carmen...that's amazing! How do you do it?"

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

"Yes, I would love you more if you didn't make mobiles out of old cutlery and beads."

'Hmmmm! Third time he's been back he MUST be keen.'

The Grim Reaper's pets.

'Of course he's not all there.'

"He's one in a million."

Role Reversal

'Oh... hell!' (fish bowl)

"Would you say eavesdropping is a special skill and/or interest?"

"What kind of rip-off is this? You promised me a bride!"

Drain cleaning

Pavlov's snake: 'It was months before I discovered snakes are deaf.'

'What the hell is that?' - 'Behold the Twisted Peel knitted doll.' - 'What does it do?' - 'It's a knitted doll, dofus. It doesn't do anyth-' - 'I gotta get me one of these' - 'Ack...k.'

Making the best of it

This is Umpopa, a witch doctor - he says he knows how to shrink hemorrhoids.