Connoisseur Of The Quirky Gifts

Chiantis In Translation

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

Imagine

Drunk Barber

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

"I'm told the omelettes here have a broader purpose."

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

"I'm working on a watercolor."

Blue wine

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

'I know those big money deals from NIGERIA are a scam, but this e-mail is from NEW GUINEA!'

New Shoes.

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

'Honk if you know the meaning of life'

"Actually, I was first drawn to Judaism not because of the religious beliefs but the dietary restrictions!"

"I think it's called Alcopop Art."

'His habitues tended to be cobbers in mutches.'

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

'Of course he's not all there.'

Here lies Rufus J. Tosser. Inventor of the boomerang hand grenade.

"Ray says he serves his homemade wine this way for the presentation, but believe me, it's because it improves the taste."

New! Lemon-Lime Flavor Water Fountain.

"It's lactose-free! It's chemistry-free! It's free from animal by-products! It's the milk without milk!!!"

"A glass of the '96 Chateau Roumand for my husband, and I'll have a can of your finest 10W-40."

The Unusual Baker

"Hello, national security agency? Send me all you have on Walter J. Conklin."

Freak Show