Lover Of Quirky Skills T-Shirts

Ventriloquism for Dummies.

The Food Chain

Drunk Barber

Family Butcher.

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

The Girl With The Draggin' tattoo: 'Hot...Cold.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

'It's a bill collector!'

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

"Get your knockoff pretzels."

Chiantis In Translation

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

'I told you Ko-ko that you don't have to even think of retirement - the phone stopped ringing for you years ago!'

'I can still remember the good old days when I used to go through your pockets!'

'Hmmmm! Third time he's been back he MUST be keen.'

'Uri Geller's First Job.' 'That's the 20th spoon you've bent today.'

"Wow, Tia Carmen...that's amazing! How do you do it?"

The Grim Reaper's pets.

Suggestion box with two slots like a toaster, labeled "Suggestions (and toast)."

"Yes, I would love you more if you didn't make mobiles out of old cutlery and beads."

'Of course he's not all there.'

"He's one in a million."

No caption (a mime holds onto an invisible leash as his dog barks at a squirrel on a tree).

Role Reversal

'Oh... hell!' (fish bowl)

'What the hell is that?' - 'Behold the Twisted Peel knitted doll.' - 'What does it do?' - 'It's a knitted doll, dofus. It doesn't do anyth-' - 'I gotta get me one of these' - 'Ack...k.'

Making the best of it

Pavlov's snake: 'It was months before I discovered snakes are deaf.'

The Etsy Bitsy Spider. Silk scarf.

"What kind of rip-off is this? You promised me a bride!"

"Would you say eavesdropping is a special skill and/or interest?"

This is Umpopa, a witch doctor - he says he knows how to shrink hemorrhoids.