Love Triangle Analyst Gifts

"And how do you feel about how she feels about he feels?"

'You must be mistaken, Mrs Gosling, our Mister Gosling assured me last night that he was single and carefree....'

'Stop sleeping with my boyfriend, bitch' 'But he's my husband!'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

A mermaid is on a rock at the sea: A mermaid falls in lover with her upper half and a shark falls in lover with her lower half.

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't expect me to spar with you."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

Invent Sales Day

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"You'll make a good first wife."

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

'No, I'm not going to hate myself in the morning. I hate myself now!'

I was in a menage a trois...until she ran off with our marriage guide counsellor!

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."