Love Hopefuls Gifts

"And just remember: Daddy got you out of that nasty pet store because he hopes you'll act really cute and friendly in the park, especially around attractive, single women."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

Cupid misses his shot.

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Make love not war

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Yes, but.

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

"Love me, Tinder; love me, do. . ."

'Love what you've done with your hair.'