Dating Hopeful Gifts

And so, then, you'll never guess what happened. She agreed to go out with you. On a date! This is gonna be huge. We're perfect for each other. She's beautiful and she looks like she wants a lot of kids and loves my phone and all my other devices and wants to spend hours playing with them while she cooks. You picked that up in a brief conversation at the bus stop? My imagination has run amok. HELP! She's beautiful? I'll chaperone.

I've decided it's time for me to start dating again. Again? I've known you for twelve years, and I've never seen you date. I've been focused on work to the exclusion of all else. I have no hobbies, no friends, no interests at all that are unrelated to by business. Lately that's started to take a toll on me, Rudy. I've become sullen. Depressed. Lonely. Bitter. Morose. My customers have begun to notice, and I worry my bad mood will drive them away. So ... you want to focus less on business because

"There's nothing coming up for tall, dark and handsome. How about medium, balding and warty?"

Preparing for Dating Opportunities in 2020

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Love what you've done with your hair.'

'I admire your persistence, Melvin, but I'm in love with another woman.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

'Quick Betty, come round to the Red Lion and wear your highest heels.'

"He stowed his own bag, closed the bin, buckled his seat belt, then watched the whole safety demo...it was love at first flight!"

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

'Judging from the chart, I'd say someone has a crush on their nurse...'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

Pets: 'Chick magnet.'

'Listen, I like you and everything, but your dad is way too scary...'

"He's been mentioned as a possible husband."

'Sorry, no roles for you yet, Madam Caterpillar,'

"You weren't playing hard to get! You were scared of commitment!"

Palm tree in love...

"I think she really like me. She held my hand almost as long as she held her phone."

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

'Barely an love and already arguing.'

'He looks promising!'... 'So far he hasn't made any.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

You are going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger...bringing your post.

Lion Toupee

'Were you playing footsie with me?'