Lounge Lizard Laughter Gifts

'Well, you've met the couch potato. Now meet, the chips.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Boss is coming! Discover something!"

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Excess Baggage: Why can't airports provide a decent place for paying customers to catch forty winks?

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Graham loved his creature comforts."

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A dog on an island with a man wants to take a walk.

Godzilla vs. Himself.

Cool coffee: An adult millennial daycare.

Mile High Club

Naked cocktails

'Lettuce pray!'

Wine Bar, "Am I not the most fashionable lounge lizard about town ?"

'Your experimental protocol fails to take into consideration, the astrological signs of the fruit flies.'

Parking Meters at Tables in a Cafe

When Chemists take acid trips.

"Nothing for me, thanks."

Potato singing - 'Peelings,, Nothing more than Peelings,,'

'Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing.'

What this story needs is a good chase scene

Consumer Safety Testing Lab. Bake-it Toy Oven. We have lots of work to do --- Now get the lead out!

"He used to be that virus that was going around, but now he's just that virus that's sitting around."

Voice Recognition TV.

"Grab me a zebra while you're up will ya, hon?"

"Ya know what I miss most Kevin? Crowded bars and restaurants. Where the rest of the world is right this very minute."

'I should outline his body in chalk.'

'When we talk, I have to take a lot for grunted.'

'Don't you think it's strange that it's called mooning when the moon never actually shows its backside!'

"Looks like the copier's broken down again."