Lounge Lizard Laughter T-Shirts

'Well, you've met the couch potato. Now meet, the chips.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Boss is coming! Discover something!"

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Excess Baggage: Why can't airports provide a decent place for paying customers to catch forty winks?

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Graham loved his creature comforts."

"Say, do you have time between all that DNA research to invent a non-smelly sock."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A dog on an island with a man wants to take a walk.

Cool coffee: An adult millennial daycare.

Mile High Club

Naked cocktails

Wine Bar, "Am I not the most fashionable lounge lizard about town ?"

'Lettuce pray!'

'Your experimental protocol fails to take into consideration, the astrological signs of the fruit flies.'

Parking Meters at Tables in a Cafe

When Chemists take acid trips.

"Nothing for me, thanks."

Potato singing - 'Peelings,, Nothing more than Peelings,,'

'Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing.'

What this story needs is a good chase scene

"He used to be that virus that was going around, but now he's just that virus that's sitting around."

Voice Recognition TV.

"Grab me a zebra while you're up will ya, hon?"

"Ya know what I miss most Kevin? Crowded bars and restaurants. Where the rest of the world is right this very minute."

'I should outline his body in chalk.'

'When we talk, I have to take a lot for grunted.'

'Don't you think it's strange that it's called mooning when the moon never actually shows its backside!'

"Looks like the copier's broken down again."

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."