Lottery Life Pillows

"'Ere! I've been readin' about you in the paper. Winnin' £10 million's made you sad, lonely an' bitter!"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Why do you hate the media?

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."