Lottery Playing Pillows

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Stop thinking your future will go up in smoke because of a few wrong numbers on a lottery ticket!'

"It isn't charisma, and he didn't write a best seller. It's a winning lottery ticket."

'I shall spend part of it on Wine, Women and Song. The rest I shall spend foolishly. . .'

"You've got to spend money to make money, so I bought a thousand lottery tickets."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

Why do you hate the media?

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'