Lottery Pillows

'Retirement plan? Well, every week a dollar of your salary goes toward the purchase of a lottery ticket.'

Scientist wins the lottery

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

WIZARD OF ODDS...gambling, lottery consultant.

'Congratulations, you won $34. Let me call you a limo.'

'They say you have a better chance of being struck by lightening than of winning the lottery...I guess they're right!'

'...and please, please, please, give me a chance to price to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me...'

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

'And just how are we going to win if every time I buy a ticket, you eat it?'

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Be quiet, I'm trying to tell you that I don't love you anymore, and the marriage is off!'

"Do you have a backup plan for your financial plan of winning the lottery?"

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

Guess who didn't contribute to the office lottery pool

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

This Week's Winning Numbers

"No, I don't think it'll change him... He's just waiting until it's off-peak time so he can call his mother and tell her the good news!"

"Rodney always gives the lottery balls a little extra lucky shake, just before the draw."

'How to Win a Lottery'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"I won a million dollars in an online lottery, and as I was tranferring the money to my bank account, the computer froze."

'Wow! What luck... we've won the lottery.'

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Long term I like energy and trasportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets

'My owner must have won the lottery!'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

Three men randomly choosing lottery numbers

'We're collecting for Charlie. He's leaving because he won the lottery.'

Penny Stocks & Lucky Lottery Numbers

'For the jillionth time, I have looked everywhere! That winning lottery ticket has got to be in his pants!'

'I am such a loser!' 'You're overreacting. Lots of people have never won the lottery.'

It seems rather late to be taking out a retirement pension. I suggest you start doing the lottery instead.