Lottery Pillows

'Retirement plan? Well, every week a dollar of your salary goes toward the purchase of a lottery ticket.'

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

Scientist wins the lottery

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

WIZARD OF ODDS...gambling, lottery consultant.

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Congratulations, you won $34. Let me call you a limo.'

'They say you have a better chance of being struck by lightening than of winning the lottery...I guess they're right!'

'...and please, please, please, give me a chance to price to you that winning the lottery won't spoil me...'

'And just how are we going to win if every time I buy a ticket, you eat it?'

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

"Do you have a backup plan for your financial plan of winning the lottery?"

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

'Sorry - those figures aren't part of the equation. They're my lottery numbers.'

'My investment objective is to keep up with my neighbors, the Joneses, who just won the lottery.'

Guess who didn't contribute to the office lottery pool

'Be quiet, I'm trying to tell you that I don't love you anymore, and the marriage is off!'

"Rodney always gives the lottery balls a little extra lucky shake, just before the draw."

'Wow! What luck... we've won the lottery.'

"I won a million dollars in an online lottery, and as I was tranferring the money to my bank account, the computer froze."

This Week's Winning Numbers

'How to Win a Lottery'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"No, I don't think it'll change him... He's just waiting until it's off-peak time so he can call his mother and tell her the good news!"

'Okay, 20% in cash, 30% in bonds and 50% in stocks--You forgot to include lottery tickets.'

'For the jillionth time, I have looked everywhere! That winning lottery ticket has got to be in his pants!'

'We're collecting for Charlie. He's leaving because he won the lottery.'

'A mega million dollar jackpot ticket that came 'close' is not good collateral.'

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

'...here are this week's lucky fur balls.'

'I am such a loser!' 'You're overreacting. Lots of people have never won the lottery.'

'Ray, I think you may have a winning lottery ticket in the pants you were buried in...'

Three men randomly choosing lottery numbers

'My owner must have won the lottery!'