Playing Lottery Pillows

"In addition to your lottery winnings, here's a list of all your new best friends."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

Why do you hate the media?

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."