Playing Lottery Pillows

"In addition to your lottery winnings, here's a list of all your new best friends."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Why do you hate the media?

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'