Lottery Lore Pillows

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Why do you hate the media?

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Highlights for Adults

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."

"Baldo, check it out...it's advice for people who've won the lottery."

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'