Lottery Lore Pillows

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

Why do you hate the media?

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"Have you been scratching this?"

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."

"Baldo, check it out...it's advice for people who've won the lottery."

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."