Lottery Dreaming Pillows

"So much for counting on a lottery ticket to capitalize the retirement fund."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

Why do you hate the media?

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

"Baldo, check it out...it's advice for people who've won the lottery."