Lottery Strategist Pillows

'So this is how they're recovering from insolvency?'

"£11,231,371! You know what this means - beggin' letters, con tricks, kidnap threats. . . We'll start with the letters, what's his address again?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Bribes for Jabs

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"Have you been scratching this?"

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"It's lotto fever."

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'