Betting Strategist Pillows

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

Financial Advisor

Gamblers Anonymous.

Online poker night, all players have laptops.

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

"I can't see this gambling commission working"

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

"You're under arrest. . . fly tipping."

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you WIN.'

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

-How about a fiver on that number three? -Ok, but to be safe,it better be each-way!

'I should have stuck to my hunch, to stay at home.'

-Are you working, hambone? -Of course I am, do you think picking winners is childs play?

Horse Algorithm

'Out to Hunch.'

'I KNEW I should have hedged that election bet!'

'I'm all in.'

Clancy:Breaking Even at the Races

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

A bet over spelling

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'I don't like to take chances.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

"If you really must know, Junior, yes, you were a market correction."

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

How I met your mother

Standard And P****d.

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'