Sports Betting Guru Pillows

'I think the guy in the black trunks is going to take a dive.' (he has Titanic tattoo on his chest).

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

How I met your mother

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

Destination casinos...

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'It's ok Billy . . .I won a bet with principal Jones!'

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

"It's lotto fever."

Post Game Day Betting.

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

'Do your homework! - You gotta learn math if you want to be a bookie!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"Betcha can't hit the same spot twice in a row."

'Okay, maybe I was defeated for re-election, but at least I beat the point spread!'

Unnatural Selection.

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!'