Sports Betting Guru Pillows

'I think the guy in the black trunks is going to take a dive.' (he has Titanic tattoo on his chest).

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

How I met your mother

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

Destination casinos...

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

'It's ok Billy . . .I won a bet with principal Jones!'

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

"It's lotto fever."

Post Game Day Betting.

The Derby- Horse Auction at Tattersall's

"I've invented the wheel. We're going to be rich."

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

'Do your homework! - You gotta learn math if you want to be a bookie!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

Unnatural Selection.

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

'Okay, maybe I was defeated for re-election, but at least I beat the point spread!'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"Betcha can't hit the same spot twice in a row."

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

'Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.