Betting Analyst Pillows

"I'm bringing on Josh here for when we take over fantasy sports betting."

"Watch out for the linebacker over the middle and the guy in section 7 whose point spread you ruined."

Match-fixing (cricket)

"The match fixers are making it a bit obvious."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Little league world series of poker.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

A day at the races

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

'I don't like to take chances.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'...I don't like your chances!'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Centaur Forward

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."