Odds Analyst Pillows

Gambler's Anonymous - "What are the odds on my recovery?"

'There's a horse in the next race called 'Taxman' - he MUST win!'

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

election polling

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

"Watch out for the linebacker over the middle and the guy in section 7 whose point spread you ruined."

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

"I thought you meant a football pool."

Match-fixing (cricket)

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

"The match fixers are making it a bit obvious."

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

"Cursed To Live In HowdyTown."

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'His horse came in at 100 to 1 - last!'

Glass Explorters: Half Full and Half Empty.

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

-How about a fiver on that number three? -Ok, but to be safe,it better be each-way!

Men betting on whether a gambling commission will work.

60,000 is the new 100,000.