Lottery Strategists Pillows

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I don't like to take chances.'

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

'I'm all in.'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'