Lotion Lotioner Gifts

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

First love.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

Artex cartoon

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Don't hate me becasue I'm beautiful.

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

"You forgot this! You never go anywhere without wearing lipstick."

Modern day mirror.

Lenny's Crack Repair

'Mildred....is that you?'

Our manicure special today is 'Text Message Tips.' I contour your nails so you can hit all those tiny little keys!

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

'Please Pass the Moon Tan Lotion.'

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

"Rare, medium or well done?"

'My boyfriend is meeting me when I hit the ground.'

Butterfly Woman

"So what's your success rate?"

Beach goer squeezes sun block tube and a t-shirt pops out.

The Man of Taste.

'So Grandma's arrived then.'

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."