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'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

First love.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Artex cartoon

Don't hate me becasue I'm beautiful.

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

"It isn't fair! Why aren't thin lips fashionable?"

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Ugggghhh....eye of newt's off!

Beach goer squeezes sun block tube and a t-shirt pops out.

"You forgot this! You never go anywhere without wearing lipstick."

The Man of Taste.

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

'Please Pass the Moon Tan Lotion.'

"So what's your success rate?"

Butterfly Woman

'My boyfriend is meeting me when I hit the ground.'

'Mildred....is that you?'

"Rare, medium or well done?"

Our manicure special today is 'Text Message Tips.' I contour your nails so you can hit all those tiny little keys!

Lenny's Crack Repair

Modern day mirror.

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

'So Grandma's arrived then.'

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

Whatever look you were aiming for..you missed!