Losing A Pet Gifts

'I feel ridiculous!'

Dog Heaven

'He loved that dog.'

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

'He quit eating three days ago, and he stopped breathing last night. Shall I bring him in and have him put to sleep?"

R.I.P. goldie

'Don't worry about your lost dog, son. He's biodegradable.'

'Sorry, Dorothy - Toto will have to be put down.'

Dog Heaven

'How should I know? Maybe their cat died.'

'If this were really heaven there would be fire hydrants.'

"There's no way he'll notice, right? I mean, all turtles look the same."

'This case has progressed to the point I want the opinion of a taxidermist."

Bad news...

"Did you tell them that the dog had died and that you will be fetching the papers in the future, dear?"

To Doc who took care of me while I was alive...

"She was a good turtle."

Magus the Cat. 1992-2010. Thanks for the meowmories.

"He wants to know why you flushed him down the toilet."

"He was a very good boy."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Very Difficult Conversations

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

Halo Frisbee.

Blues artis's daily list

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"He was a rescue."