Lone Diner Gifts

"When you've concluded the entertainment portion of your evening, sir, I'll be happy to bring you your entrée."

'You're right. Table for one.'

'I booked a table for one under the name of Narcissus.'

Where nobody knows your name.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Regular service or affected?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

"Aperitif?"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

Zagat Rated.

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

"Linguini for two?"

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

Lunch

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"It's made with real angel hair."

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Have you heard of a celebrity roast, Lance? The closest I ever came to a celebrity roast was the time I had a roast beef in a deli and Henny Youngman walked in.

Chez Ritzo. Yes, I would like an after dinner mint - I need one to pay this check.

'I dreamed I was flying and I had airline food.'

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'