Living Gifts

"And FYI, Iggy has night terrors."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Isolating Castaways

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Torturing the English Language

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf