Livestock Investor Gifts

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Chase me, chase me cows.

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

Cheesie Rider

Sick Rancher Humor

'This'll save a couple of journeys!'

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

The Cattle show Week.

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'You're stampeding yourself! You're stampeding yourself!'

'But he doesn't want to chase sticks - He likes to follow the stock market!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

'For the last time, Megan, she won a blue ribbon at the Imperial Valley Fair... I mean, my hands are tied here.'

Matador Artificial Insemination.

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"I didn't just store my acorns - I invested them in a high performance stock portfolio."

Shepherd

'Bloomin rare breeds.'

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Genetics Lab. You developed a dwarf cow? I call it "mini-moo"!

'Pork bellies are up...'

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

"I majored in sheep with a minor in cat herding."