Livestock Gifts

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

'Why are you taking Gas-X?' 'To preserve the ozone.'

"Oh how nice, I've just had a friend request from the butcher."

'OK, I distinctly heard a SNEEZE!'

'I'm applying for a job training program to become a dairy cow instead of a beef one.'

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

'Mmm thanks for the delicious blueberry lolly chaps.'

'MILK ME!'

Tell the pigs, operation New Year has begun!

"I think I've just worked out the reason why we don't sit like this..!"

Look at those beautiful fields Mavis, completely ruined by cow shit.'

"They say if you're around animals long enough you start acting like them. Carl raises mules."

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

Chase me, chase me cows.

Bing Cowby Christmas Special.

As Farmer Ron wondered where his cows had gone, somebody started the truck.

High Cow tide tonight.

This piggy has federal subsidies. This little piggy has none. So this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way to the poor house.

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Cornucopia

'I knew she was a kicker.'

"Great. I can't remember my pen number."

"Can I have your number?"

Will work for grass

"Say . . . what kind of cow are you?"

"I'm SICK of townies thinking they can let their animals run amok across my land chasing sheep..."

"I just found out we play a critical role in what they call 'hog production.' Pretty exciting, huh?"

Quick! To the Other Side of the Field.

"The way I see it, we lived like pigs in the eighties and, with any luck we'll continue to live like pigs throughout the nineties."

“They look like last year’s models.”

A cowboy sings a lullaby to his cows to get them to sleep.

That little piggy

Nobody has claimed credit for this prank. It's an anonymous tip!

Clang clang. Uncle Ernie, why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

Those guys charged more that I expected to bring in the cattle. The cowboys always round up!