Little Lector Gifts

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"...L...uh, M...uh Q...how come there are so many darn letters in the alphabet anyway?"

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Two boys from legal to see you."

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'I got an 'F' in penmanship, but it doesn't matter. I plan on becoming a doctor.'

'Books are okay, except they only get one channel.'

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'Music hath charms,' &c.

Kid to other: 'It's been a crazy day. I caught a bug and tossed my cookies.'

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

'I'm reading at my grade level, but it turns out there's just no great literature written a my grade level.'

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

Back to School

'Did you know I have 3000 bones in my body?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

'It's nice that you've learned to tie your shoes, but you're really too young to quit while you're ahead.'