Little Learner Gifts

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

Apparently I didn't learn enough. They say I have to come back tomorrow. Welcome to Kindergarten.

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

Thank you

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"I'm still pre-literate."

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

'This is your spinal column...It's a bunch of bones that runs up and down your back and keeps your legs from going all the way up to your neck.'

'I did it all from memory.'

With the aid of a tactical dictionary, and was finally able to make sense of what the salesman was saying.

'I'm in the den, mom, reading the newspaper for my social studies class.'

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

Education and Apprenticeships

"...L...uh, M...uh Q...how come there are so many darn letters in the alphabet anyway?"

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Teacher has two boxes: "Book Smart" and "Street Smart"

How's your nephew doing in human school this year? Great! He has a calculator and spell checker like last year, and this fall new features have been added. With new translation software he can take language classes now, and for social studies he just clicks "history." Bonjour! I'm so proud! He has the school's highest G.P.A.! Other students can't copy off him anymore because he started using encrypted code. His favorite upgrade is the enhanced ability to process school lunches. He's bee

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

It's a picture book. The words aren't called "subtitles."

Illegal Immigrants

"You got a D in English and an E in French, but Swedish isn't a problem?!"

'Miss, I think I've learnt all I can too.'

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

'My French is not so good.'

I see we have the same summer reading list. ABC.

"How can a student who can't speak English or Gobbledegook expect to pass?"

Student about Biz Quick class: 'It's bite-size information in a 15 minute class that teaches you how to roll in the dough.'

University of Hard Knocks