Literature Snob Gifts

Homerphobia

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Now I really hate poetry."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"Well, we needed the rain."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

Stephen Spender.

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Rape of the Lock- The Dream

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

Shakespeare. Hamlet. Romeo and Juliet. "To be or not to be, that is the question". "We are such stuff …As dreams are made of …" "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would small as sweet." That Shakespeare guy had some neat sound bites.

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Zora Neale Hurston

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

Shakespeare Street

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

"My God! There goes middle management."

Richard the Turd