Humor Snob Gifts

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

"Now I really hate poetry."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

The book is so much better than the film..

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"I used to write page-turners, but my MFA cured me of that."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

'I found it difficult to put down, but I will. It's trite rubbish.'

Fiction book sales.

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"