Humor Snob Gifts

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Now I really hate poetry."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Champagne at the hunt

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I wouldn't read that book, dear... it's only there to impress visitors."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

The book is so much better than the film..

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"I used to write page-turners, but my MFA cured me of that."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I've seen this film ten times and it's still awful."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

Listen, just because he's moving from "fiction" to "literature" doesn't mean he's better than us.

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

'I found it difficult to put down, but I will. It's trite rubbish.'

Fiction book sales.