Snob Humorist Gifts

"I'm afraid it's still rather young."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Since Rover became a therapy dog, he's gotten uppity."

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

"It's best just to leave them alone - Over the years, they've come to regard themselves as an elite group of drunks."

"Bubbles, huh? Call it what you want...it's still just gas."

"The city life isn't for everyone, so my second house is in the Hamptons."