Snobbery Satirists Gifts

Gourmet food section: shoppers must wear coat & tie.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'New money or old money?'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

" ..graduated with honours, great job, beautiful wife, great kids.. Sure we've all got a sad story to tell."