Snobbery Satirists Gifts

Gourmet food section: shoppers must wear coat & tie.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'New money or old money?'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'Not only did he say I can circumcise him, but he also said there'll be six more weeks of winter.'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

" ..graduated with honours, great job, beautiful wife, great kids.. Sure we've all got a sad story to tell."

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"The city life isn't for everyone, so my second house is in the Hamptons."