Literary Therapist Gifts

'What are you doing whining to me about your terrible childhood? Write it all down, you idiot. You've got a bestseller there.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

"It's a play on words."

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Oh, this old thing?"

The Witches Discover The Wok

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Extreme Sisyphus

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

Alice in Wonderland-Hare and Hatter putting Dormouse in Teapot

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

After the Sentence

Lend me your ears

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Tower Hamlets

Of Mice and Men.

William Shakespeare

Alice in Wonderland - six impossible things before breakfast

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!