Fictional Therapy Enthusiast Gifts

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Teach me not to care."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

Sardine psychologist.

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

Can I take your disorder?

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"No heroic measures."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

"You've got a few screws loose."