Therapy Humor Fan Gifts

"They moved my bowl."

"These voices inside your head -- do they ever tell you to pay your bill?"

"Enough about the pandemic, just tell me about your mother...."

'On the positive side, we were very impressed with the number of your personal weaknesses you were able to identify!'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Next year, let's just send Christmas cards to our patients... the fruitcakes didn't work out too well.

'Could you speak up Mrs Jones, I didn't hear what the problem is...'

'When did you first notice you were becoming invisible?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"You got a problem? Forget about it."

"You've got a few screws loose."

"Last week I got in touch with my inner-child...turns out he's a bed wetter!"

'So, tell me about your childhood...'

'People say I'm boring and that I drive them to distraction...'

"And what can I do for you, Sir?"

"Teach me not to care."

Killing the Client.

"My first pet was called Brian, and my mother's maiden name was Smith. . . see, even my porn name is boring."

Sardine psychologist.

"I keep thinking it's Christmas."

'I love to eat meat, I love to wear fur... Doc, I'm feeling guilty!!'

"As a babe-in-arms, I was kissed by a politician!"

"So, what makes you think you're a control freak?"

'I'm here because my bartender is on holiday.'

'I'd like you to get rid of my pathetic delusions.'

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

Psychoanalyst with a pacifier

"You've started talking to yourself again. At least you know someone's listening."

Sexaholics Anonymous

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"Come on, Doc, one of us has to relax,"

"So tell me about your last poop."

"Everyone else seems happy. What's your problem?"

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"