Therapeutic Humor Fan Gifts

'Cheer up, Lenny -- We all have our bad decades.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"You're completely screwed up."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

Can I take your disorder?

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

Sardine psychologist.

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"No heroic measures."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"