Literary Adviser Gifts

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

The Dorrie Decimal System

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Audio Books

Don Quixote

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"Oh, this old thing?"

Sue the Author 3PM

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

Thomas Hardy

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

It was the best of times, it was the wasrtn blanfil trmsl... It was the bnarfy foodel pook. Arghh! Darn reader's block.

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."