Literary Analyst Gifts

'I read your last book. . . at least I hope it was your last book.'

"What did you think of that book that I already know everyone else in the world's opinion about?"

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"In my day, they didn't give free lunches to poor children in school." "If your parents couldn't afford to feed you, you went without." "When you saw rich kids and their fancy sandwiches, you didn't expect the government to even the scales for you." "You pushed them down in the dirt and stole those sandwiches on your own!" "I think I read about you in 'Lord of the Flies.'"

"If you've eaten the grasshopper, then you've completely missed the point of my story."

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

Mr. Pecksniff discharges a duty which he owes to society

Mr. Dombey and the world

Under the microscope

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'

'I wandered lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

'And that one is the mistake I made in Act II, Scene III, line 14 of Hamlet.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

First Novels.

Thomas Mann.

The Dorrie Decimal System

"Now I really hate poetry."

Voltaire

Blue Stockings

Jean-Paul Sartre

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'He likes to power nap.'

Why we need poetry. . .

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

German Expressionist Breakfast

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

John Bunyan

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.