Literary Hype Analyst Gifts

'Like to read, huh? Me, too. I'm a big reader. I just finished a book by Brown. You know Dan Brown? Great writer...'

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

The Dorrie Decimal System

"Now I really hate poetry."

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

John Bunyan

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"Well, we needed the rain."

Don Quixote

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"Oh, this old thing?"

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

It was the best of times, it was the wasrtn blanfil trmsl... It was the bnarfy foodel pook. Arghh! Darn reader's block.

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

Moby Dick

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"Barb's such a fast reader."